With dating apps and the like, it can seem like dating and sex go hand in hand. And, although there is nothing wrong with having sex right away, it can be nice to take things a bit slower and learn how to court a woman in the modern age of dating.
No, you don’t have to be a gentleman from the ’50s, but being a modern gentleman will woe a woman in a new way. Courtship sounds a little old school, but honestly, you don’t have to wear a girdle and curtsy.
Courting a woman is about putting in the effort to show her you care and like her. It is something that is so often overlooked in the modern age of dating but can make all the difference. [Read: How to be a gentleman with a woman you like]
What is courting a woman?
Officially, courting is the process of dating leading to marriage. Although that may not be the case in current times, courting is about offering a woman special attention. You could say it is about winning her over, but it is about showing her how you feel and hoping she feels the same.
Usually, when you court a woman, you pay attention to winning over her, and her heart, respectfully and through your integrity. You want her to fall in love with you and date you. And most importantly, you don’t pursue her with the sole intention of getting her to sleep with you.
Courting a woman isn’t about pressuring her or not giving up when she says she’s not interested. It is about taking your time getting to know her and showing her you are willing to put in the extra effort, so she feels cared for.
Courting is sweet and kind, and genuine. It is something very much lacking nowadays, and most women will really appreciate it. So, why not learn how to court a woman?
How to court a woman
If you’re curious about modern courting, here are all the things you need to know.
1. You need to look within
Where are you in your life? If you’re still getting wasted every weekend and spending your weekdays going out with your Tinder matches, maybe you need more time to get it all out of your system.
However, if you’re in a different phase and want someone to be serious with, then consider courtship. This is definitely a method that’s for mature and self-aware individuals.
2. Dating and courting aren’t the same
Maybe you thought dating and courting were the same things, but actually, they’re very different. Dating is more casual.
It can be serious but doesn’t exactly say, “I’m looking for my soulmate.” Rather than just testing the waters and having fun, courting has an end goal.
Courting is based on the idea of eventual marriage. Even if you aren’t there now, courting is a step in that direction, even if it is an early one. If you just felt a shiver up your spine reading the word “marry,” that’s fine. It’s a big step. But courtship is really meant for those who are seriously looking for their person.
3. Start off as friends
There’s nothing more terrifying than meeting a guy who’s already on his knees, ready to pop the question. You’re courting, so it’s already assumed you’re looking for something more serious than dating.
So, to take the pressure off, why not start as friends. Hang out with her in groups, learn about her personality by how she interacts with people. Then, decide if you want to proceed to court her or not. Plus, it’s much easier to move on from her when you’re not so obvious with your feelings initially.
4. Man pursues the woman
Yes, fellas. Listen, modernize it however you please, but usually, this is about the man courting the woman, not the woman courting the man. So, if you’re interested in her, you’ll have to pursue her and make your feelings known.
Call her, take her out on dates. Buy her flowers, ask her questions, offer to help her with things. It is about you putting in the effort because she deserves it.
5. You can only court one at a time
Yeah, this isn’t Tinder. When you’re courting someone, you’re finding out if they’re a compatible match for your future.
You can’t be courting three girls at one time, and it’s not gonna work. You need to focus your attention on the one girl you’re courting.
If she’s not compatible, then you end the courtship and start courting someone else. If you’re courting a bunch of girls at once, you’re not really genuinely trying to get to know each one as well as you think you are.
6. It’s not about the sex
Courtships don’t focus the relationship around sex. Actually, it’s completely the opposite. More conservative people won’t even hold hands or kiss until marriage, but you don’t have to take it that far. Most women nowadays are perfectly comfortable with their sexuality.
But, you don’t have to jump into bed on the second date. This is the time where you’re really learning about this girl and seeing if she’s emotionally and mentally compatible with you. Then, go about having as much sex as you want.
7. It’s all about family
Courtship has a very strong sense of family tied into it. Okay, this doesn’t mean your entire family attends your dinner dates, but your family, to an extent, is involved. You want her family to approve of you and your family to approve of her.
Also, since courting was originally about marriage, you are looking for someone interested in that and who values the importance of family as much as you do.
8. Be open with her about what you want
You need to be completely open with the girl you’d like to court. Let her know exactly what you’re looking for. Don’t waste your time courting a girl and finding out she’s not interested in the same things you are.
When you meet a girl, maybe not right away, but eventually, you’ll want to let her know of your intentions and what you’d like in your future. If she doesn’t want the same things, well, you didn’t waste too much time.
9. You don’t have to be conservative
Courtship is stereotypically meant for religious people, which is fine if you are religious. Conservative people do still court women in an old-fashioned way.
However, you don’t have to be religious or conservative to adopt this method. If you’re not conservative, you don’t have to wait until marriage to kiss, hold hands, or have sex.
Modernize it. Do what feels right. It isn’t about abstaining from sex but showing her she is special and doing what feels comfortable for you two. Talk about sex and when you both feel comfortable taking that step.
10. Hide no feelings
Courting is about getting to know the other person, right? So do not keep your feelings bottled up inside of you. That’s going to be a disaster in the future. Be completely open with your emotions, and she’ll do the same.
Old-fashioned courting is about putting your best foot forward and even hiding your less-than-attractive qualities. If you really want to have a future with this woman, courting should include opening up, even about things you may not be proud of. That way, you’ll really get to see your compatibility with her. You’re looking for a life partner, you better like each other!
11. No games
This isn’t some game about who texts first or waiting three hours to reply. There are no games involved with this.
If you want to see her, ask her. If you like her, tell her. When you’re looking for a life partner, you don’t have to play these stupid games. Plus, if she’s into game playing, then you don’t need her.
12. Court when you’re thinking about the future
Close your eyes and think about it. Can you see this woman being your wife? If so, then why not give it a try and court her. You should really only be courting someone when you’re considering the idea of a future with them.
Basically, this is the first step to forever. If you’re not thinking of a commitment, well, then don’t court a woman. Just date her. It’s lighter.
13. You can’t fail at courting
There is no such thing as failing in any aspect of life, so if it’s not working out with the woman you’re courting, well, then you just discovered that this woman is not your life partner. See? That’s not a failure. You’ve learned something.
Take your time in finding a partner and if she’s not the right one, then find someone else.
14. Embrace your inner gentleman
This is the time where you can be a gentleman and make her feel appreciated. Buy her flowers, take her for dinner, compliment her. They don’t have to be big gestures, but they can be small to show her that you care.
15. If you want it, you have to work for it
You shouldn’t think of courting as something you have to do. It should be something that is worth your time and effort. If you have a feeling that this woman may be the woman of your life, take your time to find out if you’re right.
It’s going to take work and time, but it’s well worth it if you’re ready to enter into the next phase of your life.
16. Do little things
Remember how she takes her coffee. Send her goodnight or good morning texts. Order dinner for her and have it delivered when you’re not around. Be reliable, and stick to your promise when you make one.
These little things may seem minor, but they can really make a huge difference in how she sees you.
17. Get to know her friends
Courting a woman isn’t just about getting her to like you but also integrating yourself into her life. Get to know the people she spends time with. See if you blend with them. Take time to learn about them and her relationships. This will help you get to know her better and show her you want to know more about her.
18. Be discreet
If you have had sex, don’t talk to your friend about it. Keep what she wants private, private. Also, keep things PG with PDA.
A quick peck on the cheek, holding hands, and a hug is nice, but don’t make others uncomfortable. Even more important, don’t make her uncomfortable.
19. Take things slow
We don’t mean physically, but all over. You don’t need to rush things. Sure, you are putting more effort in than you might have if this was dating, but you don’t need to ask her to be your girlfriend in a week’s time.
Take your time. Keep getting to know each other. Talk. There is no rush.
20. Ask her how she feels
Be sure you aren’t just projecting your hopes or feelings onto her. When you are hoping for a commitment, it can be easy to think she is the one and close yourself off to any other avenues.
Talk to her. See how she feels. Is she at the same point as you?
21. Talk about the future
Courting is about sharing a future with her. When you are courting a woman, you don’t just do it for fun. You are hoping to spend more time together and possibly end up together. If that is what you want, make sure you are both being open about it.
Does she want kids? Do you? Do you want to travel the world or settle down?
22. Make sure you are on the same page
Do not court a woman just because you want a girlfriend or wife. Be sure she is someone you really like. You can spend a lot of time trying to get her to like you without realizing that you don’t even really like her all that much. Not only does that waste your time and hers, but it can mess with your emotions.
Take your time getting to know her and see if you really like each other.
23. Keep it going
Courting is not something you do in the beginning and then stop once you are committed. If you’ve treated her a certain way while courting her, be a real gentleman and continue to be sweet and caring.
Remember, being a gentleman is not an act. Treat her with respect, love and give her your attention and love.